The Ramblings of a Mad Man - Part 5ive of THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL FIVE!!!

Cast your minds back.

A couple of weeks ago at most, I published an article stating that people are idiots. I then went on to explain that through lack of general, spiritual & political education, we're all just a bunch of morons firing off doctrine on command. Surely, for those of you who read the article, you're thinking "why are you telling me this? I was there man...". Fair play. The point of me explaining that part again, if you'd just let me speak for one damn minute, was that this article ties in quite nicely with that. So, if you haven't read it, maybe you'd like to before I carry on...

Don't worry, I'll wait...

All done!? Okay, on with it.

I guess like a few people, my friend Danny Quin over at Bar Bar Black Sheep for one, me for two, genuinely consider the term "Netflix & chill" as an invitation to stick the kettle on & slip into PJ's. Casual sex aside, they've got some fairly decent stuff on there. Just this afternoon, I slipped into said lounge wear & stuck on a documentary, aptly named "(DIS)HONESTY, The Truth About Lies"; a subject which interests me greatly. Dan Ariely studies behavioural economics & throughout the film breaks down the individual factors of what drives someone to lie. As it turns out, with great relief, everyone does it! Coincidentally, everyone doing it is precisely one of these, what Dan calls, "Fudge Factors".

Now, think back over your life, over all your experiences & think... "have I ever told a lie?". Of course you have & if your answer was "no", you're probably lying. Sorry!

When I was younger, not much younger than today, i used to bullshit a lot. Now, bullshitting is that special kind of lying that's full of fluffy stuffing & complicated seams, an enigma at first but very easily rationalised to nothing. For instance, I would tell people that my Dad was working away from home or that I'd seen a man get shot, amongst all manner of irrelevant, made-up anecdotes in order to make myself feel like people could find me interesting. The problem being here, my friends spotting me in town with my Dad, two hours after I'd declared he was in Australia, or again, my friends working out that I'd never been to gangland Columbia. When we're young at mind we tend to be drawn by fantasy & fiction, making us feel less interesting or important than the fictional characters portrayed therein; making us feel as if our lives are somehow dull in comparison. Being a compulsive liar & being around quite a few others at school, I've become covertly skilled in spotting irrelevant bullshit; like, calling out your friend who has done everything you've done but bigger & better. There's a tone that's acquired when a person improvises a life event spontaneously, a look in the eye & a failure to stop while they're ahead. I'm often shocked out how many people in their adult lives still manage to follow through with this fantastical act of dishonesty, despite being guilty of it myself at times. I believe the only thing that's reduced my level of bullshit is the amount of genuine experiences I've had over the past few years. Since growing up & getting out into the world, I no longer feel dis-interesting or dull, I revel in retelling my life to anyone that will listen, purely for the looks on their faces when I assure them "Yes, that really happened!". Surprisingly, or rather not so, I'm more than likely to relapse around people I don't know or have very little in common with. I tend to bridge that gap with fluff galore.

I digress...

The documentary follows a series of interviews & experiments in order to illustrate the major factors of behavioural economics, right down to the nitty gritty. Without giving too much away, the film wraps up with the evidence that no one lies unless they feel like they, or someone they care about, have something to gain from it; seems pretty obvious, right? Despite it's apparent obviousness, I admire the revelation. If a person is correctly informed of what they stand to lose by lying, they just don't. The whole point of the film, as I see it, is that people lie to gain but won't if they stand to lose or effect others negatively. Equally, if a person is caught lying in a big way & falls foul of the consequences, it makes them more honest in the future. On top of all that, Dan Ariely expertly makes the case that a million small lies have more negative effect on society than one big juicy lie. I won't explain exactly how but watch the film to find out, I highly recommend it.

Now, I'm not sure about you but I find dishonesty to be a huge proportion of what's wrong with society. We have the media spinning webs, politicians providing misinformation & conspiracists by the truck load. I honestly don't know who or what to believe outside of my own small (but growing) network of friends & colleagues. It all seems like deception in one way or another, whether to meet an agenda or distract us from one. Yet, whatever the reasons, the effect is the same; this.

If we're lucky, those of us who don't follow one of the few mainstream religions have our own breed of moral compass, drilled into us by parents, teachers, employers & the like. We don't have the commandments to guide us in absolute certainty toward our spiritual essence. Instead, we are told "This is right, that is wrong" without a quantified explanation of the circumstances. To devout Christians, straying from God's message leads to eternal damnation & suffering. Simple, no one wants that. Unfortunately, I believe that the atomic & subatomic particles I'm made up of will be recycled when I'm gone, not sent downstairs to be prodded with a flamey stick. My consciousness (if that's what this experience is) will be recycled into free electromagnetic energy, ready for the next batch of bodies to make use of. So, for me, what is hell? It purely doesn't exist. So then, what of the consequences in my negative actions? Frankly, I don't know. Sure, I can surmise that punching someone in the face will result in their pain & likeliness to retaliate by punching me in the face. Any half-trained idiot can work that out. But what of the bigger picture? What of the butterfly effect in the actions I partake? What of the hell I leave behind for others?

As far as I can tell from my dilapidated ivory tower, a successful life follows thusly; Survive the first five years, Go to school & discover a passion, undertake further education & qualify in said passion, get on the career ladder, play the game of life (wife, kids & a family car) & then retire quietly for a few years before the inevitable happens. Trust me, I don't believe for one second that my choice of lifestyle benefits anyone in any great sense; I'm forever in poverty & an imposition to the vast majority of people I come into contact with. To tell the absolute truth, despite me being happy in following my "dream", I'm all too aware of the implications suffered by others for my benefit. This sours the milk, just a tad. Not to say it's all bad; I have found a lot of success in making people happy & enjoying my music with them. That fact will forever make it worth the worry. The thing is, despite sharing my negative experiences of this lifestyle, people are still prone to envy, much in the same way that I envy their stable, contented lives of work & family, with a moderately sustainable income to boot. The trouble being here that I have tried to live in that way many times & each time I'm overwhelmed by the blatant negativity of corporate control. I can see the lives that are affected by capitalism & consumerism, others can't. I believe that it's this lack of quantifiable guidance that has left us corrupted, liars & pretenders all. We honestly don't know any better.

If we were to try to figure out exactly what is wrong with this reality, I believe the place to start is finding out what's right. Much like Dan Ariely attempting to discover what makes liars tell the truth, I'm interested in finding out what makes people lead an honest life in every respect. Dan found that if he took away the gain in lying, or indeed by displaying the wrong in it, he could essentially revert people back to their honest, humble selves. I believe that if we were to make more of an effort to inform each other of the gains & losses served by leading any and all lifestyles, we would all be much happier & a lot less prone to feeling shit about ourselves. Then again, I could be wrong...

In conclusion, I believe we're all a little bit lost in this big wide world of ours & it starts with us to find a happy home. We don't need to be so at odds with life, the universe & everything. We should be enjoying it! Take some time to think about how your lifestyle affects the lives of everyone around you, present & future. Let me know what conclusions you come up with & I may well follow up in a future blog...

Nah, I'm lying!

Amster-Damned!

They say that Amsterdam is the sex, drugs (but not Rock 'N' Roll) capital of the world. Whoever "They" are... It is said to be one of the most dangerous places in the world. Apparently...

For years family, friends & other such familiarities boasted of their adventures to the heart of the Netherlands. With its lanky structures and thriving culture. Miles of canals & smiles as far as the eye can see. To me it appeared a veritable dream. A wonderland. I've always been partial to eye candy, especially when it comes in the form of nature, architecture & ultimately, fun.

Long gone is our ability to appreciate what we see with our eyes and experience with the power of our feet. Even grown adults in the UK appear lost for things to do past toying with technology & ingesting some form of drug or another. Despite a high level of culture still evident in the larger cities & districts, smaller towns and cities have taken to dying out sometime around 7pm for dinner and waking early the next day for another round of work. Life is still apparent but a huge chunk of our culture has fallen into neglect since the plummet of the popular music industry in the 1990's. Being born at the cusp of that turn, Amsterdam struck as the ideal destination to help me regain some faith in the world. 

As I stepped onto the tarmac at Zeeburg tram station, it occurred to me that for the next 3 days I would be very much at home. As far as the landscape told, we could have been back in Buckinghamshire. Rolling green fields as far as the morning fog would allow, permeated with several small, unobtrusive settlements. The only tell-tale sign that we were anywhere but home was the long foretold windmills dotted here and there, standing proudly & effortlessly on the canvas before me.

After the 14 hour trip, hopping between the busses, boats & trains, stresses were high. Causing petty disputes to break out. The result was a slightly dulled tram journey into the centre of Amsterdam in which I was consumed by the various notices & advertisements plastered about the carriage. The Dutch language is an incredible feat. Germanic by birth & poetic by nature, I could spend hours & more attempting to work out every nuance of their alien tongue.

After what felt like moments, the first signs of densely packed civilisation made their way into centre stage. Long gone was grass & unabolished nature. Enter cobbles & chorus...

The sheer sound of Amsterdam is astonishing. Not a moments silence occurs, even in the darkest corner of the deepest of night. Making our way from the tram, the music of footsteps, engines & distant speakers possessed the atmosphere. Laughter, joy & chatter scattered throughout the inescapable sound-scape made for the perfect touch. 

Priorities in place, feet made for way for tea & bodies followed. Eyes distracted by the plethora of sights to see. We made haste along the bustling concourse of shops, museums, bars & hostels known as Damrak. Surrounded by enormous, brilliantly crafted spectacles of human creation. Their homes & habitats presented as pieces of art. Reaching high into the Dutch sky. After a brief stint of awe, warm water was found and tea bags issued, ready for the days planning.

I fished my scrappiest of papers from my most affordable of bags and fished deeper for a working pen. Upon this paper I made my agenda for the week both clear & concise;

1. Sex Museum
2. Anne Frank
3. Boat Tour
4. Have Spliff

Prior to my journey, one place in particular had been emphasized above all else, even by my own Grandparents. The Sex Museum. Curiosity had gotten the better of me and on the very last day we did indeed adventure gormlessly past the erect doormen & beyond. I highly recommend it. 

But of course Anne's 'Ouse had to be on the list. The very place that Anne Frank hid away from the Nazi forces with nothing but a diary to entertain her. The tour is gloomy & perfectly orchestrated to deliver the mood one would expect from visiting such a desperate place. Steep, narrow staircases & hidden doorways were the only defence from each successive room. Each with it's own history. Each with it's one tale; delivered by the spirit of Anne Frank & her trusted journal.

When someone says "canal", I say "Grand Union"! Of course, Amsterdam's canals are nothing of the sort. Equal to Venice itself, Amsterdam has more waterways & lochs than your average town or city. Yet, it's equally impressive how easily one can take it upon themselves to hire a 4-person pedalo & embark on the Amsterdam canal system as if on some noble sea voyage. Slowly but surely, we survived our gruesome trek on closed waters. Despite having been set upon by an angry, saxophonic tour boat & a low hanging tree. 

Fourth on the list was perhaps the most daunting of all our ventures. I have experienced Cannabis in England many times but never had I the opportunity to do so in peace. Strange as it seems, the experience is altogether different. Gone is the over-hanging sense of impending punishment & perhaps more-so, guilt. The common misconception lies that Cannabis is legal in Amsterdam. That is not the case... Cannabis (amongst other drugs) have been decriminalised and therefore can be distributed & consumed on licensed premises. If you were to be found smoking or otherwise ingesting Cannabis in the street, you would risk facing charges for not only use-of but also possession-of. Licensing laws are becoming stricter in Amsterdam & elsewhere in Holland such as Rotterdam, but a few loyal "Coffee Shops" remain. My favourite of the pick was The Doors Cafe. Once owned by Jim Morrison himself and perhaps still by his estate, it just so happened to be on the corner of the block that we were staying on and played the perfect setting for morning & evening cups of tea. 

The morning of the final day came upon us like a storm. Moods were low as bags were packed, ready to depart our spectacular Dutch grotto. It's 3-storey bodice boasted a beautiful creation. My favourite part of which was the low, dark loft conversion that very quickly became my home for the duration. The bed(s) was awful but there's something distinctively seductive in saying "Close the hatch...". We were blessed to find a fully-fledged entertainment system & book collection waiting for us on our arrival but with the whole world waiting outside, we had other plans...

Saucijzenbroodje were had by all (apart from the vegetarian) and off we headed, for our very last exploration of Amsterdam and it's many wonders. Namely China Town, the infamous "Red Light District", Dam Square & beyond. 

A glorious adventure & a highly recommended holiday for anyone looking for real-world beauty. Go to Amsterdam. Lively up yourself!