Amster-Damned!

They say that Amsterdam is the sex, drugs (but not Rock 'N' Roll) capital of the world. Whoever "They" are... It is said to be one of the most dangerous places in the world. Apparently...

For years family, friends & other such familiarities boasted of their adventures to the heart of the Netherlands. With its lanky structures and thriving culture. Miles of canals & smiles as far as the eye can see. To me it appeared a veritable dream. A wonderland. I've always been partial to eye candy, especially when it comes in the form of nature, architecture & ultimately, fun.

Long gone is our ability to appreciate what we see with our eyes and experience with the power of our feet. Even grown adults in the UK appear lost for things to do past toying with technology & ingesting some form of drug or another. Despite a high level of culture still evident in the larger cities & districts, smaller towns and cities have taken to dying out sometime around 7pm for dinner and waking early the next day for another round of work. Life is still apparent but a huge chunk of our culture has fallen into neglect since the plummet of the popular music industry in the 1990's. Being born at the cusp of that turn, Amsterdam struck as the ideal destination to help me regain some faith in the world. 

As I stepped onto the tarmac at Zeeburg tram station, it occurred to me that for the next 3 days I would be very much at home. As far as the landscape told, we could have been back in Buckinghamshire. Rolling green fields as far as the morning fog would allow, permeated with several small, unobtrusive settlements. The only tell-tale sign that we were anywhere but home was the long foretold windmills dotted here and there, standing proudly & effortlessly on the canvas before me.

After the 14 hour trip, hopping between the busses, boats & trains, stresses were high. Causing petty disputes to break out. The result was a slightly dulled tram journey into the centre of Amsterdam in which I was consumed by the various notices & advertisements plastered about the carriage. The Dutch language is an incredible feat. Germanic by birth & poetic by nature, I could spend hours & more attempting to work out every nuance of their alien tongue.

After what felt like moments, the first signs of densely packed civilisation made their way into centre stage. Long gone was grass & unabolished nature. Enter cobbles & chorus...

The sheer sound of Amsterdam is astonishing. Not a moments silence occurs, even in the darkest corner of the deepest of night. Making our way from the tram, the music of footsteps, engines & distant speakers possessed the atmosphere. Laughter, joy & chatter scattered throughout the inescapable sound-scape made for the perfect touch. 

Priorities in place, feet made for way for tea & bodies followed. Eyes distracted by the plethora of sights to see. We made haste along the bustling concourse of shops, museums, bars & hostels known as Damrak. Surrounded by enormous, brilliantly crafted spectacles of human creation. Their homes & habitats presented as pieces of art. Reaching high into the Dutch sky. After a brief stint of awe, warm water was found and tea bags issued, ready for the days planning.

I fished my scrappiest of papers from my most affordable of bags and fished deeper for a working pen. Upon this paper I made my agenda for the week both clear & concise;

1. Sex Museum
2. Anne Frank
3. Boat Tour
4. Have Spliff

Prior to my journey, one place in particular had been emphasized above all else, even by my own Grandparents. The Sex Museum. Curiosity had gotten the better of me and on the very last day we did indeed adventure gormlessly past the erect doormen & beyond. I highly recommend it. 

But of course Anne's 'Ouse had to be on the list. The very place that Anne Frank hid away from the Nazi forces with nothing but a diary to entertain her. The tour is gloomy & perfectly orchestrated to deliver the mood one would expect from visiting such a desperate place. Steep, narrow staircases & hidden doorways were the only defence from each successive room. Each with it's own history. Each with it's one tale; delivered by the spirit of Anne Frank & her trusted journal.

When someone says "canal", I say "Grand Union"! Of course, Amsterdam's canals are nothing of the sort. Equal to Venice itself, Amsterdam has more waterways & lochs than your average town or city. Yet, it's equally impressive how easily one can take it upon themselves to hire a 4-person pedalo & embark on the Amsterdam canal system as if on some noble sea voyage. Slowly but surely, we survived our gruesome trek on closed waters. Despite having been set upon by an angry, saxophonic tour boat & a low hanging tree. 

Fourth on the list was perhaps the most daunting of all our ventures. I have experienced Cannabis in England many times but never had I the opportunity to do so in peace. Strange as it seems, the experience is altogether different. Gone is the over-hanging sense of impending punishment & perhaps more-so, guilt. The common misconception lies that Cannabis is legal in Amsterdam. That is not the case... Cannabis (amongst other drugs) have been decriminalised and therefore can be distributed & consumed on licensed premises. If you were to be found smoking or otherwise ingesting Cannabis in the street, you would risk facing charges for not only use-of but also possession-of. Licensing laws are becoming stricter in Amsterdam & elsewhere in Holland such as Rotterdam, but a few loyal "Coffee Shops" remain. My favourite of the pick was The Doors Cafe. Once owned by Jim Morrison himself and perhaps still by his estate, it just so happened to be on the corner of the block that we were staying on and played the perfect setting for morning & evening cups of tea. 

The morning of the final day came upon us like a storm. Moods were low as bags were packed, ready to depart our spectacular Dutch grotto. It's 3-storey bodice boasted a beautiful creation. My favourite part of which was the low, dark loft conversion that very quickly became my home for the duration. The bed(s) was awful but there's something distinctively seductive in saying "Close the hatch...". We were blessed to find a fully-fledged entertainment system & book collection waiting for us on our arrival but with the whole world waiting outside, we had other plans...

Saucijzenbroodje were had by all (apart from the vegetarian) and off we headed, for our very last exploration of Amsterdam and it's many wonders. Namely China Town, the infamous "Red Light District", Dam Square & beyond. 

A glorious adventure & a highly recommended holiday for anyone looking for real-world beauty. Go to Amsterdam. Lively up yourself!